Nourished Postpartum with Birdsong Brooklyn: Blocks to Receiving

You know how often folks are told they they should have to earn their money, their food, their support? They have to earn the right to go on vacation, earn the right to own homes and vehicles. “If ya didn’t work hard for you, you ain’t earned it!” We are a culture who wears badges of honor on our chests for being independent. We, with mostly good intentions, give ourselves and our loved ones pats on the back when we’ve accomplished something without the help of another.

It’s not your fault that you have a hard time receiving support and are sometimes afraid to ask for it. We’re conditioned this way.

We say to people , “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!” knowing damn well that they ain’t gonna ask. We don’t ask them, ever. We don’t want to be a burden on anybody or have them go out of their way for us. We know they’re busy and overwhelmed and lacking in any free minutes to breathe. Their problems are bigger than ours, right?

Have we considered if we maybe don’t even think we are worthy of someone’s help? Or are we just so daggone proud of being able to make it on our own?

I’m a little bit of both of those, of course. Y’all, I don’t know about you but I’ve spent the majority of my life manually pushing my chin up and dragging my shoulders back. I GOT THIS, YOU KNOW?

Also don’t know ‘bout you, but I absolutelypositivelysupercalifragilisticexpialidoscious do not got this.

It takes a conscious effort for me to both receive and ask for support. It brings me perfect ease to have someone drop food off on my porch without me asking and so I press that hard here at Nourished Folks for y’all to do that for your people. Unless you drop the food or gift the money to purchase the food, without asking, lots of folks will say, “Thanks for the offer, but we’re good!” The thing is that when you go ahead and do it, you’ve relieved so much pressure off of the receiver because they don’t have to run that whole gambit in their mind about whether or not they deserve or need it. When you DO drop it, they are unwaveringly appreciative of that extra weight being gone.

But I’ve had to not rely on those moments and just go on and ask when I need the support. I make up justification after justification in my heart and mind as to why it’s not necessary for me to ask for it. So annoying!

When I’m in a good place, I can recognize my needs, which ones I can take care of on my own with a healthy amount of independence, and which ones I absolutely could use a little assistance on. Sometimes I bend over backwards and flip upside down trying to get all the things I need done, done by myself, when I absolutely know a ton of people who would eagerly and joyfully help me if I just get brave enough— or even tired enough— to ask.