Working For Yourself

Whoa, y’all. Looking back on when I made the final decision to work on this big thing: I really thought I’d go straight from an 8-4:30 job that was also a social gathering, to working in my quiet home and seeing what my dog does all day, with no transitional time and all elated joy.

Uh-uh. Don’t work like that. It’s January 2020, I left my job in May of last year, and I’m JUST NOW on the other side of transition.

It took me a couple of months to even realize what was going on. My to-do list was not getting done. In fact I hardly had the capacity to make one. Here was this big giant dream about a business I was (and AM) confident is right and good and well; but I had no idea where to start. I do have a hunch that maybe I just needed a big long rest, some work on my mental health, and time to even process the first couple of years being a mom. It is insane, y’all - becoming a parent. Another day…

I hadn’t missed the scheduled out daily grind but was really surprised at how unnatural it was for me to manage my own time. Hadn’t thought about this aspect of the transition at all. I have to go to bed every night knowing I need to do A, B, C in the morning to make the money I need to pay for D, E, F, G to make sure BIG DREAM pans out and my family isn’t compromised.

Instead of being able to leave my work AT work every day, I live inside the work. It never leaves and I never leave it. Not talking about the actual house, haha, but I am talking about the compartment for Nourished in my brain. So, I really have had to learn to keep that in check. I don’t need to respond to emails after 7pm and I don’t need to keep myself up at night wondering if I’ve made a mistake or forgotten something big.

Another strange transition is the actual work schedule. I don’t really have time off, ever, but I do get to dictate the when’s and what’s of that time. And often, some of what I choose is outside ‘normal’ work hours. Meetings in the evenings, busy at strange times, in my pajamas still at noon or hitting a yoga class. This is what I dreamt of and am learning to accept is NOT the wrong way to do things. Just different. I was feeling guilty for doing something for myself during times while people had the pedal to the metal at their 8-5s. That’s silly. We’re past that now and I am livin’ this UP.

Gosh. I’ve had to learn to trust myself a ton. Really believe in who I am and what I want to accomplish with Nourished and not have to hold back or really do anything with this business that I do or do not want to do. Trust others as well, that they have my best interest at heart when they say they do and all of that.

This has been the most self-reflective work in 33 years, for sure. And I’m like the friend thats always being super introspective and ‘what is the meaning of life’ and ‘what is the character of God’ and what not.

But really, Nourished is a dream finally realizes. My day to day is a dream finally realized. Feels like all the baby steps and searching over the years had led me to this exact place today, writing to you at 10:16am with a cake baking for my hair guy and a client and my dog snoring beside me with all these plants. Truly, when I say that it is an ultimate joy to be here, I am telling you the truth.